i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I AM VODKA MAN
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
