Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
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He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
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I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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