Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
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Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
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Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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