i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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