sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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