Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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