I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
