Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Everything about him screamed your future.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
