My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
