I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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