I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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