I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
50% drunk capacity currently
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
