I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
