Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
