I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
