Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
