Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Randomize
