Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
