yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
