shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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