don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
