just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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