She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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