I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
