Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
