guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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