i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
