My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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