Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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