I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
