...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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