i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
