i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
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There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
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there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My feet surprised me
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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