Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
