Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
