Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
