I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
This is the prime rib incident all over again
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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