I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
