i don't like sucking hair
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
