I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
