Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
