That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
