thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
accomplished twins. life is a go
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Randomize
