its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
