I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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