either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
