When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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