Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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