I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
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20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
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He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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