Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
