need another drink. this is the easiest way
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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