so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
