She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
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I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
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I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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