remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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