I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
