you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
