dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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