please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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