Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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