I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
