glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
