is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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