My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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