I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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