Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
