I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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