Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I wish I only lived at night.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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