I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
