he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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