It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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