The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
