Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
