I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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