Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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