I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
