if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
