remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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