Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
