toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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