he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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