Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize