I want to have your abortion
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize