; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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