What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Boobs are out for the taking
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
