My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
