Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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