a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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